Monday, June 29, 2009

Unemployment Blues

Jobs are like men... You can't live with them.... and you cant live without them!

Things have been so busy and just kinda crazy lately, I'm just feeling stressed, frustrated and feeling like I've got the unemployment blues. I need a regular 8-9 hr job so I have a regular income coming in. Since moving to Houston I've had oh maybe 5-10 interviews I'm guessing? And I've received 3 job offers, all of which did not feel like the right job for me. Either the schedules were too crazy, or the pay wasn't what I'm looking for. I nicely declined 2 of the positions, and accepted one of the job offers. Later that same day I got a call about another job that sounded more up my alley, but I never called that lady back. Instead I've just been thinking about it all week - Ugh! So this morning was my first day of training at my new job I accepted. I was in tears yesterday and last night because I still can't shake this feeling that this just isn't the right job for me. In past experience, If I dont feel right about a job, or I hate the job before I even start, or I'm just not feeling like this is a good fit for me, I just cant see myself there for any length of time. Also in the past my intuition has never done me wrong, for example - I passed up 2 job offers before I got my kick ass job at Waste Management. If I just took either of the first 2 jobs that came along, I wouldn't have been available to get the job at WM. The first 2 jobs just didnt feel right and my intuition has always been right. When I go against it, bad things happen every single time. When I got laid off at Waste Management in January, I started a new job at a wholesale t-shirt/design company. It seemed ok at first, the pay wasn't quite what I wanted and then I kept getting all these red flags about the job and my intuition was going haywire! The people who interviewed me talked very negatively about their own boss, they seemed like they all hated their jobs and asked me if I was sure I wanted the position. I quickly said yes without really thinking it over just because I wanted to start working again and I almost didn't care where I was working. Then I started the job, and the owner of the company was a total dickhole! He would yell and cuss at his employees and call his customers assholes, idiots, and every other profanity he could think of. He was ex-military, very strict, very much an asshole and everyone that worked there kept warning me about him. I should have listened to my intuition since I was weary about this job and after my first day I was in tears and didn't want to go back. A few days later they let me go anyways, because they wanted someone bi-lingual, but I was sooo glad because by that time I was too chicken shit to quit! I mean right there that tells you that you need to listen to your gut and trust in yourself, and when I go against myself, things just don't work out.

So this morning I went to this new job even after crying about going last night and I was sitting in the room where they do the training. I was filling out my w4 and my new hire paperwork and I was shaking. I still could not get over this feeling like I just wanted to run out of the room and leave. I kept cursing myself that I even walked in there. While I filled out all of my paperwork, the HR lady gave us more info about the sales job and then it just made it even more apparent I really didn't want this type of job. I've been open to looking into different jobs and even interviewing with everyone because sometimes you just never know... but this time, I was just a wreck over feeling "stuck" in this job if I started it. I know myself too well, and if I were to start this job, I'd be miserable every single day, in tears when I'm home, stressed out beyond belief, but I would never quit. I'd just let myself be stuck, and honestly that's not how I want to live my life. So as some of the other new hires in the room were finishing up their paperwork, I was like ok this is it... I need to make a break and just get out of here. I mean there's no sense in wasting their time training me or wasting my time sitting in that room for 8 hours today if I knew I wouldn't want to go back tomorrow or ever again. So I finally just said screw it and went up to the HR lady and gave her my new hire packet that wasn't filled out yet and politely let her know I had changed my mind about the position, and thanked them for their time and flew outta there like a bat outta hell!

I've never felt so relieved, embarrassed, stressed out, and so guilty all at the same time! I know I will find a job that's a right fit for me, but I just need to be patient, and keep applying for more jobs.

Anyways, thanks for listening...

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